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After the stress of divorce moving on can seem daunting, especially if there are outstanding legal and financial matters. There is often personal and emotional readjustment to consider too, usually when we’re feeling at our lowest ebb.
Let’s reflect on some top tips to help you move on from divorce:
– Self-esteem and confidence often suffer as a consequence of divorce, maybe through feeling a failure or concern at letting yourself or others down. Counselling and hypnotherapy can help with processing what went wrong, learn from the experience and become more positive and confident, perhaps even better than before! Addressing unhelpful, underlying patterns and behaviours can help you move forward, having learned valuable lessons from the divorce experience. Healing in part is about dealing with unwanted, negative patterns in order to avoid repeating them in the future.
– It’s now time to become more independent and self-sufficient. Couples often share friends, social interests and decision-making, so moving on alone can feel scary. Include friends and family, take things at your pace, adopt a realistic perspective, laugh at your mistakes and make the transition easier. Also in relationships there are often his and her or yours and mine tasks. You may need time to learn to do things you’ve never done before. Ask for help, let go of the frustration and be gentle with yourself. It takes the time it takes to move on!
– Aim to keep yourself relevant and up-to-date. Keep in touch with the outside world and stay connected. Watch the news and popular TV so that you can join in with conversations. Invest in your appearance, even if it’s a simple colour change or gentle makeover. Plan a pamper evening, supper party, card evening or have your mates round for the televised football. Let others contribute a dish or bottle so it’s an inexpensive evening. Play board games together, all fun, easy ways to keep in touch.
– Home may feel very different post-divorce. It may be time to relocate and focus on establishing a new home for you and yours. Or financial considerations may make selling the marital home prohibitive for the time being. Staying there may be viable in the short-term; it allows time to settle, heal and plan ahead. If so, find ways to reorganise your home. Rugs, prints and little touches can make a real difference. Let the children help so that they feel involved and invested too.
– Possessions can be a tough call. Often getting rid of things can be both symbolic and cathartic. Sometimes letting something go that meant a lot can be the right thing to do. Do you really want to be reminded of your relationship every time you enter a room?
– Sleeping alone may feel strange at first, but it’s true that people do gradually get used to occupying an entire double bed. Change your mindset about your bedroom – it’s your place now. Turn it into a haven and make it how you want it to be. Put lavender on your pillow, take a relaxing bath and get cozy in your space.
– Work often becomes more important after divorce. It may be essential to earn money, so you really need to settle down to working at your job or career. Or could now be time to start out again and achieve something you’ve always wanted to do, something special for yourself? Re-write your CV, investigate career options or re-training. Consider the best way to make that fresh start and look at a new career, or starting a business of your own. This could be your catalyst for change!
As you find your feet appreciate the opportunity for a new beginning and discover positive ways to move on from your divorce.